And maybe I looked veeerrrryyy carefully at his ID to find out, possibly his name or phone number.
(Quick sidebar - I was his waitress in Ann Arbor, Michigan in 1995. You were cute as anything the day I met you, when I checked your ID to make sure you were 21 - but you look better now. Reason 3: I took a good look at you the other day and even though you are full-on salt and pepper (and the salt is winning). What you don't know is how much I appreciate the fact that on Saturday mornings you let me catch up on my sleep and you wake up early with the kiddos and make a 900,000 calorie breakfast of awesomeness ( with fresh coffee) and that is what I wake up to. I know that you love to sleep in and that it stinks that you only get to do that maybe once every three months. You never really get any down time or a day off. You never stop working (at your job or at home). You work harder than anyone I've ever met. Reason 2: I never sleep and what must be worse ( for you) is that I never shut up about how tired I am. Yesterday's paper is on top of the pile closest to the blue chair." That may not have been a proportional reaction.
#LYDIA HAWK KINDERGARTEN JUMP START TV#
I am trying to be a good mom and not have them watch TV and play the dang Wii all day and that means I can't keep this place as clean as I want and don't even bring up the laundry because I am working on it, OK?!").Īnd you just smirk at me, while looking at me over your glasses, until I hang my head and say something like: " Umm. But you have no right to judge me because I'm bad at housework. And so sometimes when you say "I'm so tired" or ask me a totally innocuous question ("Is yesterday's newspaper on top of that pile?"), I lose my schmidt ("What do you mean that pile?! Like there are just piles and piles of crap all over the place? OK, maybe there are. Reason 1: I know that I have a bad case of HTBS (Hair Trigger "B" Syndrome). In any case, here are a couple of reasons why I think you're totally bad-a$$ and awesome. And I swear, they are always playing (and sadly for you, not winning so much). Notwithstanding the fact that starting next week, I will lose all authority over the remote control whenever your stupid baseball team is playing. The truth is, I am very happy to be your wife.
I'm not going to say anything embarassing. I got you lots of presents but I also thought I would take this opportunity to express myself. Nothing that is, except their interpretation of song lyrics. I mean Lady GaGa or Queen or something completely awesome that they randomly decide that they love more than anything. I do not mean to "The Wheels on the Bus". Nothing is better than watching a 3 year old rock out in their carseat. Or his sister's Daisy Scout Troop is lame because it's filled with sexual girls.Ģ. Like his teacher helps him with sexual math and reading. Hawk, for example, when he says "six year old" it sounds exactly like he's saying "sexual". They mispronounce words and it is hillarious but you have to be careful not to laugh too hard or they will be emabrassed or intentionally say: "There goes the firefuck!" over and over. You ask them to brush their teeth and they look at you like: what is this "brush" you speak of? What are these - how do you say -"teeth"? But at school, they can spell October, clear the table, make pancakes, and cooly inform their teacher that Jacob is the name of the good werewolf.ģ. The doctor is going to have to take her panties off to get the baby out."Ĥ. He looks around and says: "That lady over there has a baby in her tummy. Imagine a precocious three year old boy with the loudest voice in the world. Like while checking out at the grocery store. Now comes the really embarassing behavior in public.